This is a little fanfic I decided to write. It's been slowly fermenting in my head as I played the game. And I finally decided to put it down on digital paper for others to see.

If you want to read it, I've got it right here.

Chapter 1: http://vypor.deviantart.com/art/The-Pha ... 667?q=&qo=

Chapter 2: http://vypor.deviantart.com/art/The-Pha ... -177532222


So if you guys like it, lemme know. I plan on continuing it sometime. And I do appreciate feedback, so I know what the fans want or think should be changed.

Thanks in advance. (:

UPDATE
Updated with some pictures of the characters and items.
Mostly for my readers on DeviantART, since they have NO idea what weapons are what. Poor non-PSO players that they are.








The great thing about writing a fanfic of PSO, is you can show the readers what the characters look like, by making them in the game, lol.

Ohgod I wrote a Reply but my net went out D: round two!
Critique:
Well in chap 2 line is spelt wrong.
Could be more descriptive.
(wow thought I had more...)
Advice:
Love plots can be nazi gold!
Comic relief too!
Plot twists? o:
Don't break the laws of physics TOO much.
Karma's a birch..*bitch.I mean the cosmic law of what comes around goes around XD
on the topic of oh hey PSO fanfics means you can generally get pics to depict scenes!
A character is nothing if it doesn't have a name!
Avoid large words for our...."thick" readers out there.
Luke I am your father!
^
avoid situations like that.

Let's all be cocky and get away with it!<loldon't

Characters should use logic instead of our horror film victims."Oh hey closet full of sharp objects lets make out in it! O:"
Phantasy star online is pretty cool guy. Try to use a balance of PSO canon and fanon.
Effort! Quality over Quantity!
Do try to relate to your readers, tap into a nerve connect them, let them "feel" the story.
Constantly proof your work, I highly dislike low quality Fanfics >:l.

Avoid following, Guy finds girl, loveplot after him being a jackass,they get marrid and live happily ever after.

I love well planned conspiracies, but "ancient civilization more advanced than ours magically got wiped out" Is cliche.
I like where this crashed ship is going!
Fin:
Overall SO FAR SO GOOD!

Ok, I read that several times, and I honestly can say I have no idea what the heck you were saying. It was like a dictionary and Encyclopedia Dramatica had a deranged child or something.

And actually, you have no idea what kind of plot twists I'm going to throw this into. It may seem predictable, but I have tricks up my proverbial sleeves my fine purposely-aggravating friend.
I know what you mean by the typical plot so far, but typical ain't my thing. I'll go to great measures if I have to to avoid the typical.

On a different hand, my thanks for actually botherign to write a review.
...If it can be called that. lol

Feedback is what keeps me going, and I appreciate it when someone actually takes interest enough to tell me what they thought.

I speak fluent gibberish!
plot twists, NEED EM LIKE A DRUG @.@

Then keep your eyeballs peeled like an acidless orange my good plot-substance-abuser.
I do have one in the works. But perhaps not for a chapter or two. Though till then, I do have another minor one to throw in beforethen.

My advice would be to flesh out the world some more. Detail and richness of story and surroundings allow fiction to become absorbing, you don't just have to stick to Rane's dialogue.

I've only read Chapter 1 though..!

Yeah. That's always been one of my Achilles heel's of writing.
Describing the environment.

I'll see if I can't spruce it up a bit more.